life as me

dear hudson,

please stop jumping on your bed. please.
today you scared the living day lights out of me when you took a major tumble off that bed @ naptime. it seems you wanted to try the whole "no more monkeys jumping off the bed" kind of thing.
it wasn't funny.
at
all.
in fact, it scared me beyond anything i think i've ever felt (including the time in high school ginger & leslie made us watch children of the korn & i thought i might die).
seeing you crumpled in a ball on the floor, well let's be honest - that's somewhat normal & the moment i heard your cries, i wasn't really worried. i walked into your room ready to scold you, but when i picked you up & you wouldn't look @ me, but were so dazed you were staring @ the ceiling, i got SCARED. seriously, don't do that to me again. i'm pretty sure i stopped breathing.
then you wouldn't walk, which added to my panic.
you were wailing loudly, which actually made me feel a little better.
then i did just like the mama of the five little monkeys & called the doctor. well, actually i called daddy & daddy called the doctor, so i guess we'll have to change that part of the song from now on.
that's when you threw up.
and i panicked some more.
and i don't even know how i was able to pick you up & wash you off because my knees were buckling with fear.
you were crying & coherent, but not acting totally normally.
i called mimi while i cleaned you up & waited on word from the doctor. hearing her calm voice made me feel better, but when she said words like "er" & "mri", i thought i might throw up.
but i didn't.
i didn't cry either.
but your sissy was crying as i had left her on the changing table when i went to check on you.
then i panicked again because what if SHE fell off her changing table & we had two head injuries?
do you see what you did to your poor mama???
so i dashed to moved sad, wailing sissy safely to her bed & ran back to you to get you changed for the doctor.
between sobs you told me "mommy, i VERY hurt." & you cried when i put you down to walk.
somehow i carried you & sissy to the car & off to the doctor we went.
that's when i started crying.
you couldn't see me, thankfully.
but you heard my shakey voice as i kept asking you about all the music you like, trying to keep you awake - "hudson, you like jason mraz, right? what about jack johnson? and norah jones?" i tried to stifle sobs in between my questions. you were answering me, but you were haze-y & i couldn't tell if you were just tired or something else.
we made it to the dr. & i jumped out, grabbed holland's stroller & grabbed you, speed walking to the door. thankfully daddy was there soon (how, i have no idea as he was in the med center when i called. he probably went 90 down the toll way, but i'm not even going to ask him) & you were already doing better, just really clingy to me.
when you heard your doctor was coming, you cried. i think you remembered the shots from your appointment in may. i hate to hear you cry, but the fact that you were responding so well made me feel so much better.
finally you were all checked out & responding well & we were told to keep a close eye on you all night, but that you were probably fine.
the doctor did not explicitly say "no more jumping on the bed", but i swear if you even bounce on that bed...
and you're NEVER playing football. don't even think about it.

love,
mama