the latin root of "thisissofreakinghard"?
a large part of me wakes up everyday very unhappy with my current predicament. WHY is my brain so rusty? WHY was it 6 years ago that i took this test, when they're only good for 5? WHY am i having to take the new "revised" (aka CRAZY HARD) gre???
i'm spending 4-6 hrs a day studying for this craziness. most of the day i battle feeling super hopeless & trying not to cry @ various coffee establishments over the fact that I HAVE NO IDEA which quantity is greater:
32(15x +y) - 6b + 24c
sorry. it's the crabbiness talking.
i pretty much hate this.
while most of the day is spent in dire straits, every once in awhile i get a glimpse of what's really real - the fact that i'm just where i'm supposed to be. exactly. facing something that seems totally impossible. not being able to "play the game". (because let's face it - standardized tests are a total game) knowing my only choice (trusting) is actually the best choice.
like 99% of teachers, i HATED state standardized tests when i taught in public school. osama bin laden, the stomach flu, & TAKS. those tests ruin education. my poor little guys would be so freaked out & i would say - just do your best & don't worry about it! why can't i give myself the same grace?
i am not my gre score. i am not my gre score. i am not my gre score.
what will be, will be.
i'm going to have to learn to be "zen kelly"
(or face a coronary over this thing.)
and just as i thought i was finished with this post, i ran across the quote below (from THIS darling blog). finding it was like a wink from god...
"A goal more lofty (and sometimes more difficult to achieve) than any other I can think of. Practicing humility and serving others, doing small, unimportant things for big and important reasons. That's what makes me feel successful. That's what makes me feel like I've done my best, like I'm really becoming something "great"."