old GRE study pages

make great snowflakes...

today's the day

to take the GRE.
after a last minute change, i'm taking the test today @ 12.
& boy, am i ready :)

then i'm off to be with family.  we've had a death in our extended family leaving a cousin barely pregnant & without her mom.
my heart is broken for her & i'm holding onto the truth that life really IS so very short.  just being alive truly is a miraculous gift so easily taken for granted.

so here's to another weekend, another breath, more time to live this glorious gift of life.

in other news: as a quick, study food binge, i made this peach mango salsa.  it'd be a great way to celebrate life this weekend :)

could someone help me with...

the latin root of "thisissofreakinghard"?


(ahem)


a large part of me wakes up everyday very unhappy with my current predicament.  WHY is my brain so rusty?  WHY was it 6 years ago that i took this test, when they're only good for 5?  WHY am i having to take the new "revised" (aka CRAZY HARD) gre???


i'm spending 4-6 hrs a day studying for this craziness.  most of the day i battle feeling super hopeless & trying not to cry @ various coffee establishments over the fact that I HAVE NO IDEA which quantity is greater:


32(15x +y) - 6b + 24c


or


your mama.


sorry.  it's the crabbiness talking.
i pretty much hate this.


while most of the day is spent in dire straits, every once in awhile i get a glimpse of what's really real - the fact that i'm just where i'm supposed to be.  exactly.  facing something that seems totally impossible.  not being able to "play the game". (because let's face it - standardized tests are a total game)  knowing my only choice (trusting) is actually the best choice.


like 99% of teachers, i HATED state standardized tests when i taught in public school. osama bin laden, the stomach flu, & TAKS.  those tests ruin education.  my poor little guys would be so freaked out & i would say - just do your best & don't worry about it!  why can't i give myself the same grace?


breathing.  breathing.
i am not my gre score.  i am not my gre score.  i am not my gre score.


what will be, will be.
i'm going to have to learn to be "zen kelly"
(or face a coronary over this thing.)

and just as i thought i was finished with this post, i ran across the quote below (from THIS darling blog).  finding it was like a wink from god...

"A goal more lofty (and sometimes more difficult to achieve) than any other I can think of. Practicing humility and serving others, doing small, unimportant things for big and important reasons. That's what makes me feel successful. That's what makes me feel like I've done my best, like I'm really becoming something "great"."

things that stink...

the GRE.
stressing out about the GRE.
& trying not to cry @ starbucks when you realize you bombed your practice GRE.
(boooo!)
things that don't stink...

this was a public service announcement from holland harp.

did you know....

aspersion

calumny

castigate

deride/devisive

diatribe

disparage

excoriate

gainsay

harangue

impugn

inveign

objergate

obloquy

opprobrium

pillory

remonstrate

reprehend

& vituperate

...are all words relating to the words "to criticize or criticism"?


no?
me, either.
that's why i have to study.
i'm taking the GRE soon.
yikes.
double yikes.
yikes to the 6th power.

(haven't started studying for math yet.)

i applied to go back to school for a master's - something i've always wanted to do, but never quite gotten around to doing it.  i started a few classes @ smu several years ago when we lived in dallas, but the program wasn't really exactly what i wanted.  the problem was that i didn't know what i wanted!  and i when i don't know exactly what i want, or can't see how it will all work out, i get overwhelmed & tend to just do nothing.  which doesn't gain you a master's degree. 
weird.

so on this crazy journey of figuring out what the heck we're doing with our lives, i re-remembered - "hey!  i'd really like to get a master's degree.  & now that we're not really tied down to a job in a certain location, maybe it's time to go for it!" 

that was quickly followed by panic & all the questions of where & how & finances & recommendations & oh-my-gosh-the-GRE!  it was so overwhelming, that i almost quit before even starting!  hello overwhelm!

something inside me pushed through the fear. 
i pushed send on the embarrassing "hey do you remember me?  i was your student 10 (gulp) years ago...  can you write me a recomendation?" emails to old professors.  i asked about financial aid (as in "do you have 100% funding??!"), which was double embarrassing (so dumb!  why should not being able to afford $20K a year be embarrassing??!).  i didn't quit when i got the triple embarrassing "no, i don't remember you" email back.  i cringed, ate a brownie, & went on down the list of professors-that-might-possibly-have-a-clue-as-to-who-i-am.  when i couldn't find the "i went to college a decade ago, have had 2 kids, & lost lots brain cells" edition of the GRE study book, i just ordered 2 regular books instead.
this takes guts, people.

& now i'm blogging about it all with the fear in the back of my head that i might have to come back here & tell you i didn't get in.
yikes to the 9th power x 22.3

(really got to get to that math part.)

but i said i wasn't going to let fear motivate me anymore, so...

my name is kelly harp, i'm applying to baylor university for a master's in american studies & i'm kinda scared it won't all work out, but i'm trusting that Great Mystery that he knows what he's doing.

{i'm also trusting god doesn't get offended that i keep calling her a him, or him a her, or it a she.  might start mixing up my pronouns...}

so we might be moving to wacky waco, tx.  crazy town!  i'll keep you updated, my friends. 

until then i shall try to foment fervid feelings towards taking the GRE, possibly becoming quite garrulous as i seek to engender a more erudite vocabulary.

take THAT, GRE!
(okay, i totally looked @ my notes for that sentence, but still...)