back...& GRE free

back from my marathon road trip to wichita falls.
the trip included:

-a forced session of barbara mandrell (okay, it was just one song) & wishing my sister was there so we could give my mom an eye roll in unison
-playing "plus & minus" with my aunt - the hotel was a best western "PLUS!" & we appointed ourselves the judges of whether it was truly a "PLUS!" (was probably just a "plus.", but you know, we didn't complain)
-talking politics, religion, & books with my uncle & suddenly realizing his (completely legal!) handgun was sitting on the table the whole time.  i feel like i should add it was NOT loaded & i'm not even sure there was ammo in the room.  i feel i should also add this is a totally normal phenomenon in my west texas family (right, uncle rick?).  i will also say he recommends you read same kind of different as me
-seeing lots of family members i barely remember & also getting to meet the flower girl from my parents' wedding.  i always loved looking @ the picture of her, thinking she was so lucky to get to wear that pretty white dress :)  the funny thing was, i thought she looked just the same!  like i would have picked her out in a crowd.
-crying lots of tears.  why is it so easy to forget what a miracle life is?  also, why is it that life can be so d*mn hard sometimes?
-a chance stopping with my mom in hamilton, tx @ the farm of her grandparents, the place i've heard about all of my life.  i half expected her "mo-mo" to come out the front door & tell us to come inside for iced tea {sweetened with a shot of dr. pepper!}, maybe even see little dark haired "debbie" poke her head out of the root cellar.  the whole experience left me thinking about how tiny our story is, how quickly it's all going.  how things that seems so real now, will soon feel like apparitions, like something someone made up. 
-eatting one of my top 10 best meals ever.  we stopped @ literally the first little restaurant we saw, knowing in austin it's hard to have a bad meal.  oh, we were so right - from the shared filet minon to the gourmet mac & cheese, we couldn't stop talking about how good was every-single-bite?!!  one of the meals to go down in the books.  i'd recommend the place to you, but didn't ever really catch the name & i'm not even sure where it was!  i half wondered if it was an apparition, too.
i was glad to finally get home, to get back to my little family, to my little corner of the world.  the little corner where we have about 2 wks left to pack & start a new journey of our life.  so crazy.  and in case you're wondering, i made it through the GRE!  i did well enough not to have to take it again & actually much better than i thought i would.  i am so thankful to be over with that one!  THANKS to all of the sweet msgs, texts, & calls i got - i felt so loved on friday :)  sorry i'm quite behind in getting back to you!

happy wednesday to everyone...

inspiration

let yourself be silently drawn

by the stronger pull of

what you really love.

- rumi

toes & life

i got my toes done, & i feel happy.

last week i was a little stressed, can you tell??
funny how you don't realize you're wearing your exact feelings without even knowing it.
apparently i was, because this is exactly how i was feeling.

funky, frustrated, lost, tired, stressed

sometimes a girl just needs her toes done.

so jaclyn & i went, we saw pink, we conquered.

& i did a lot of thinking.  a lot of praying.  a lot of talking.  a lot of breathing.

it does a body good, you know?

i feel better. 

& i keep thinking about this quote...

there are two ways to look at life. one is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is.  (albert einstein)

on being freaked out of your mind

clint & holland are in the er right now. she's okay.  i'm okay.  NOW, i'm okay.  but i wasn't about an hour ago when we started hearing these weird barking noises coming from holl's room.  rushing in there, i pick up sleepy holland, who then pukes up her milk & barks a little more - she's not breathing well.  wheezing.  having trouble getting air in.
she has to be able to breath!
how can she go from perfectly normal to having trouble breathing?
i'm freaked.
she starts calming down & seems happy.  breathing gets easier.  (for me, too.)
i remember how glad i was when hudson started being able to talk.  i hate guessing @ what's going on.

having kids sometimes feels like an exercise in how to handle emergency situations.  like on friday night, when we heard a thud & sprinted around the corner to find hudson on the floor, head in hands with blood running down his chin.  yeah - totally freaked me out.  
he's okay by the way & what they say about the mouth bleeding alot is true. they do.


it turns out in emergencies, i do okay.  i'm fairly calm on the outside - doing what needs to be done & comforting when i need to.  but the inside?  i'm like pudding.  i'm scared to death.  thinking any little thing is wrong with your kids is terrifying.  i guess clint & i got on the face track with learning how to handle something being wrong with your kid.  day 3, to be precise.  i will never, ever in my life forget the feeling of rocking tiny hudson, trying to get him to eat only to see that his little body was too weak.  then the neon orange of the feeding tube & the tape on his tiny fragile skin.  oh my good gracious, i felt terror like i had never felt before.
of course that story has a happy ending.  a happy, somewhat stinky 3 year old who busts his lip with out blinking an eye!  okay, no he cried & was pretty upset, but anyway, you know what i mean :)
i know this story of holland will be fine.  they say it's probably croup & i really i'm more worried about germ-a-phob clint in the er than little sis.  haha.  just kidding, but he is freaking out a bit! 
this story will be a collection of stories we tell, of stories we've lived.  & i'll add it to my ever growing collection of times i've felt totally freaked AND times i realized everything will be okay.
and THAT is the story of parenting and also, i think the story of life.
the end.

adventure

one of my favorite things is watching hudson play.

especially when he doesn't know i'm watching.

everything is an adventure he can't wait to join!

run!

swing!

climb!

the world is a wonderland, a magnificent ship. & he's the captain.

watching him, i sense that life really IS an adventure,

if only i will let it be :)