having a particularly tough morning wrestling with fear vs what i know to really be true.
i'm posting this entry from my journal the other day as a sort of "place marker" for what i know is truth {even (especially!)when i don't particularly feel it}.
sitting here crafting. loving it. learning how to make crochet-ed circles. can't get enough of white, cotton fabric crocheted circles!
i'm sitting in gratitude for time to do this. for energy to do this. for chocolate to munch as i write & clean water to gulp in this crazy heat.
am thankful for good friends, for gas to go see them (in tyler last week), for a car to ride (oh so comfortably) there.
even for the monitor that lets me know miss priss just woke up :)
i'm grateful for miss holland's fine little strawberry blonde curls & the way her baby head smells, even when sweaty. i'm thankful for those hot little red cheeks, the gooshiness of them, & her little pouty red lips. AND the back molars that allow her to eat more table food HALLELUJAH!
thankful for her soft baby belly, full of warm milk, & the sight of her half-chomping/half-gumming pita bread & scrambled eggs "like a big girl".
she is truly a gift.
looking @ the h's, i better understand how incredibly special each one of us is.
looking @ my punkies, just thinking of their little red cheeks, their sweaty little hands, i grasp a teensy shred of the truth: that each of us is so infinitely special, so truly fabulously incredible just exactly as we are. it's of mind boggling proportions, our value, our worth. so difficult to grasp, so hard to hold onto, so crucial to understanding.
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3 comments:
Wow, as i sit here and cry.....I am thrown back so many years to all the times i kept telling you how God made you just as you are and how special you were (are) and am so happy that you are seeing that. Isn't it amazing how much we learn from our children! And sometimes, it takes going through certain times, that makes us stop long enough to observe and to listen. Love YOU so much. As i have said for years, I am so honored to have been chosen to be you and Johnna's Mom. How lucky does one person get?
Love you. :) so thankful for our time together. Wish we had more. I am also thankful that you like to eat chocolate just as much as I do. It is a gift really. We should be proud. :) thank you for driving hours to see me. I definitely feel a little more healed because of all the RH of OC we watched.
mom - thanks for the words. & the tears! it's true, moms have the unique advantage of truly seeing how incredible your child is just because he/she IS. i didn't always get that, but i do now, well sometimes :) thanks for telling me even though i didn't believe you for so long.
jen - here i am trying to be all zen & you're telling everyone we watched RH! hahahahaaaa!!!! that's okay. zen can go with RH, no??! and i have another ulcer from our m&m addiction. crap. BUT the truth is it's all worth it to get to spend some time with Y O U. always wishing for more :)
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